


Make Me An Offer (I Won't Refuse)

by OhHappyDay (SoldatYasha)



Category: Smosh
Genre: An oxymoron i'm sure, Eventual Smut, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, First Time, Friends to Lovers, I Tried, Oral Sex, Reader-Insert, Roommates, Sex, Sex Ed Via Fanfic, Sex Education, Sexual Content, Smosh Games - Freeform, attempts at plot, smosh - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-11
Updated: 2018-09-16
Packaged: 2019-07-10 23:14:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 14,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15959615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoldatYasha/pseuds/OhHappyDay
Summary: You decided to move to L.A., a naive and inexperienced girl in pursuit of all the stereotypical broke dreamer fantasies- but when a certain Smosh member steps into your life on the very first day, you find yourself with an opportunity you hadn't anticipated.........AKA Marvin Gaye's "Sexual Healing", but with you and Damien. And his cats. And some wit, and some societal commentary, and some attempts at Sex Ed via a fanfic. What a wonderful disaster waiting to happen.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my first ever fanfic.....ever. I tried my best to make this in-character, and funny, and sexy, and educational, and realistic, but that's a lot so it's probably not quite all of those things, but I did my best. Any/all feedback is appreciated, i'd like to write and publish more but it took me literal years to get this one up to par so we'll see about that lol!
> 
> It's entirely written out and edited, i'm just gonna be posting it chapter by chapter, so don't worry, I won't leave anyone hanging! Enjoy :D

You were not happy about this.

You'd finally gotten a job in LA and your first apartment lease- but the girl who was supposed to have been your roommate had backed out. As in, backed out the very day you were supposed to move in, leaving just an email and vanishing, and now the entire rent was up to you- and while through diligent saving you had enough to more or less comfortably pay your own rent, there was no way you could afford the rent of two people and still pay off your loans on time, and oh yeah, eat meals and buy toothpaste and luxuries of that nature.

You sat slumped in the hall against your apartment door, key in hand and phone in the other, reading and re-reading the email, trying to convince yourself there was a way it'd be okay; a box of stuff at your feet, the rest of your possessions waiting in the van downstairs (which you only had for today)- you didn't even have anyone to help lug your mattress to your room.

As you snuffled and tried to ignore the tears that were sneaking out and threatening to drip on your phone, you noticed the vague noises of talking from the apartment across the hall grow louder; you'd been too in your head to pay attention, and you couldn't hear any words as it wasn't at the volume of yelling, but somebody for sure sounded upset. You were considering going into your apartment to feel less like a peeping (hearing?) tom when the door across the hall suddenly swung open, a scruffy, fluffy-haired brunette man wearing jeans and a t-shirt exiting. He whirled around and grabbed the door as if to slam it, but seemed to think better and closed it softly before sliding to sit against the door in a mirror image of your own position, his face in his hands (one of which had a phone, no doubt he'd been talking to someone moments before), still and silent.

You snuffled a bit more, still trying to stem the crying (more tears were falling as you'd been startled by the man's presence), and the brunette raised his head, noticing your presence and your similar state of despair.

His face softened as he took in your wide eyes and wet face. "Not a good day today, is it?" His voice was deep and raspy, sounding just a bit tight, as if he was tempted to join you in tearing up.

"Not for either of us, i'm guessing," You replied, smiling a bit as you dried your eyes on your sleeve. "Fighting with the in-laws?"

He gave a sudden laugh, smiling back at your attempt at humor. "Thankfully not, my current relationships are solely in the realm of family and cats- but I am now homeless, apparently. Whomever lives directly above me has for some reason or another left every single tap on for several days straight, and this morning their kitchen landed in my living room." He looked bitter but also gave a chuckle at the strange situation. "Crazy college kids, right?"

"Sure sounds like it."

"My roommate's staying with his girlfriend in the meantime, and they were talking about moving in together so that's probably where he'll stay.....and it's up to me to take the Los Angeles beggar community by storm!" He exclaimed the last part, sweeping his arms around in fake showmanship and smiling brightly when you giggled at the antic.

"Well I might be joining you in that- i'm just your stereotypical broke LA dreamer, came here to find work, romance, adventure- and work I did, but my roommate backed out of the lease and there's no way I can afford to pay rent for this place by myself. I haven't even moved in yet." You sighed, pulling your box of possessions closer to your side.

"Well- forgive me if this is forward, because I know it is given that I don't even know your name- but if you're out of a roommate and i'm out of a room....I mean, i've been working in the city awhile, i'd be happy to cover your missing roomie's rent plus both the security deposits and any repairs, I guarantee it's all cheaper than a fallen ceiling no matter what- I know I have a loud voice but i'm pretty quiet most of the time, I don't drink or smoke, I can cook pretty well and i've got two cats- but I can keep them sequestered to one room if you don't like pets-"

"I love cats, actually...." and you were very tempted by his offer, something falling into your lap in a time of need like this just seemed like a sign.... "But y'know, my mom DID warn me specifically about sweet-talking guys in LA..."

"Mine too!" He joked, but then changed to a very serious demeanor. "And that's very reasonable. I'm happy to get a background check, and if you want a written privacy agreement through the landlord or to put up cameras to monitor the apartment i'm okay with all of that- "

"Gotta make sure you're not stealing my shampoo somehow!" you joked, though you were reassured that he was so open and acquiescent, not at all affronted or defensive in the face of your very reasonable fears.

"Oh if anything you're gonna want to take mine- which, help yourself to, it smells like a cabin in the mountains. But seriously- I'm not saying any of this to pressure you, feel free to say no, I just thought i'd put the offer out there."

You debated for a minute- life tended not to be this easy, it felt like a trick- but what was the catch? His name wouldn't even appear on the lease for the first month, or even as long as you chose if he paid rent directly to you- so you could kick him out or even call the cops for trespassing at any time. You decided you would be sure to notify friends and family of the situation as well, just so people were aware- but even if this was just for a few months, until you could hunt down a proper replacement, it would help so much in terms of the bills....

"...Would you help me get my stuff up from the van downstairs? I'll help you get all your stuff from next door?"

"Of course!" He excitedly jumped up, "And I don't need to move much over from my place to start, I can do that- literally just the mattress and some clothes, I mean I still technically live there so I can grab everything else along the way."

"And bring your cats! What are their- wait, okay, tell me your name first and then your cats' names!"

He reached down and took your hand, helping to pull you up. "Of course, of course- i'm Damien. And my cats are Zelda and Freyja."

"Hi Damien- and i'm so excited to meet them!"


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He reached down and took your hand, helping to pull you up. "Of course, of course- i'm Damien. And my cats are Zelda and Freyja."
> 
> "Hi Damien- and i'm so excited to meet them!"

You spent the rest of the day moving your things up from the van. The apartment thankfully came with a few furnishings, like a table and chairs, so there weren't many overly large items to move; and Damien was incredibly grateful and never once commented or complained about moving things like your futon (and the base, made up of splintery wood pallets) or your Kitchenaide mixer (a moving present from your mom) or even your seemingly endless collection of art supplies and books (He actually recognized a few titles, and you found you had similar literary interests- much of the moving process was spent discussing your favorites of fantasy fiction). While you returned the van, he moved in his own things, stubbornly refusing any help- just as he said, only his bed and a few haphazardly thrown together boxes of clothes to start, plus his cats, both of whom were ridiculously adorable.

He ordered Chinese for you both as an additional thanks, and after a quick dinner (you were both tired from the moving process), you crashed for the night in your room, as he did the same in the opposite room that was now his.

The next day was Saturday, and you were thankful to wake up without an alarm, nice and late, a much-needed night of rest after a day of driving, moving, and not to mention slight emotional whiplash. You wandered out of your room, the cats purring at your ankles, and saw his door was ajar and his room empty. For a brief second you panicked, imagining he had left you in the dust as well- though your rational mind soon caught up, as you noticed his stuff (and his cats) were still here.

A note on the counter from Damien explained that he was going to the bank to get you the promised rent and security deposit money, and that he would finish moving his stuff over in the afternoon but had already moved over all his food plus some kitchen supplies that morning, saying you were welcome to whatever you wanted of it for breakfast and subsequent meals that day. He also left his phone number, which you were quick to add to your phone and text him in thanks. After a quick bowl of cereal and some fruit (he had good taste in produce), you were off for the day to run around town on errands- everything from checking in with your landlord to setting up a P.O. box, to getting more groceries, to filling prescriptions at the pharmacy, to calling your work and confirming that you'd be in the next week.

You arrived back at the apartment in the late afternoon- the doors to your current home and Damien's old one were open as he was in the process of shuffling things over, and he hollered out a greeting from the old apartment as he arranged his belongings. On the kitchen table you found, dutifully laid out and paper clipped appropriately, the rent and security in cash (with a note saying he could give you either cash or checks in the future, it was your choice), plus a pile of documents consisting of a background check, employment verification (he worked for a company called "Smosh", the name sounded oddly familiar...) and a rather comical assortment of documents including proof of vaccinations for both Damien and his cats, copies of his driver’s' licence and passport, and his mother's contact information.

"You are quite a thorough guy- I promise I as well am up to date on my flu shots, though I might need a few days to reciprocate proof of that for ya." You said as Damien re-entered with a laundry basket full of shoes and kitty litter.

"No need, I believe you- just thought i'd err on the side of the comically extra, it never hurts."

"Well you certainly accomplished it- i'm gonna make some lunch, do you want anything? I got some more groceries while I was out, we're pretty well stocked at this point- and thanks for breakfast, by the way."

"No problem at all- my statement stands, all food is up for grabs, i'm pretty relaxed when it comes to nourishment. Are you having anything in particular?"

"Same goes for me too- and I was thinking of doing like a late brunch, maybe French Toast or a croque-monsieur?"

"I love french toast, i'd love some if that's alright!" You got to cooking as Damien finished moving in, you both stopping to eat and get to know each other. You told Damien about your childhood and your family, and he reciprocated, telling all sorts of stories about his mother and sister and even sharing how his father passed away. You found out that he worked for the Youtube channel Smosh Games- which had sounded familiar not only because you'd seen some of their videos ("Oh my God, that was you!") but also because your job happened to also be through Defy Media- you actually worked in the same building, which led you both to agree to carpool to work come Monday.

After lunch you wrote up a quick temporary living agreement (you just wanted a signed confirmation that he would pay his half, which he was more than happy to do, but it soon became a list of rules ranging from "neither individual shall be offended if the cats prefer one roommate over the other" to "Pop music may be played aloud, Die Antwoord must be through earbuds in polite company, and no Chris Brown shall be tolerated anywhere in the apartment.") You also helped each other settle in, both of you alternating loads of laundry in between hanging up pictures and posters and organizing bookcases.

Damien seemed like an honestly friendly and extremely grateful individual- he wasn't wealthy but was for sure far more financially secure than you, and offered to pay for things like a new carpet and a shower curtain. As he'd apparently trained in trades, leather working especially, he enthusiastically volunteered to be in charge of repairs- of apartment, of tools and technology, and even of binding some of your books that were falling apart. ("You're actually helping me- I don't get to do much leather work at my current job, and I miss it, I'm desperate for the opportunity!") You retained suspicion, as the situation seemed just too good to be true- but as time went on, it only seemed more and more clear that Damien Haas was truly a kind, generous, and amicable individual- you had never lived with a male before, growing up with just a mother and sister, but he was easier to live with than them and every previous female roommate you'd ever had entirely.

You were happy to say you were friends, and had a great roommate dynamic- you were quickly becoming so close and so comfortable around each other, it was almost a wonder you didn't develop a crush on the guy.....or.....maybe you were..?


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You were happy to say you were friends, and had a great roommate dynamic- you were quickly becoming so close and so comfortable around each other, it was almost a wonder you didn't develop a crush on the guy.....or.....maybe you were..?

You and Damien had been living together for several months now. Your job with Defy was going quite well and you were catching up to Damien in terms of salary and stability, yet even with time and familiarity and routine he was still the gentlemanly yet dorky dude who you had met in the hallway that first day. He insisted on contributing the lion’s share, be it in rent or groceries or household amenities, and if there was ever an area where he couldn’t contribute financially he went out of his way to support your two-person apartment in other means, through making repairs (the apartment was solid but the landlord didn’t offer much support, he really would have been paying for the roof had he stayed in his original unit), leatherworking you bookbindings and accessories and trinkets, and making sure you always had a means of transportation and words of encouragement to lean on. You of course made sure to reciprocate his selfless actions, you were a naturally giving person and would go out of your way for just about any acquaintance, but there was something so fulfilling about it being a two-way system, you were more than happy to stick your neck out farther for him than for those who took your efforts for granted. He always thanked you so sincerely for whatever it was you did, acknowledging your efforts, and it truly made you feel wanted, needed, and above all respected.

In many such ways your life together was pretty seamless; your friends overlapped naturally due to working in the same building, but separate floors and full-time hours ensured you didn’t spend so much time together as to get sick of each other, and made you truly appreciate when you could just spend a Saturday enjoying each others’ company. The only issue you had with living with Damien, wasn’t really an issue- it wasn’t anything he did wrong or on purpose. It was simply that you were unaccustomed to certain aspects of living with a guy. Or, perhaps, living with a guy on whom you were maybe, kind of, sort of, beginning to develop a crush.

The apartment had few rooms, but those it did contain were spacious. The door opened to a combined living-room-kitchen, with three internal doors leading to each of your rooms and a bathroom in between. Just one bathroom had at first intimidated you, but many problems were nonexistent to begin with; you were very minimalist in your hygienic routines and kept what products you had out of the way or in the cabinet, Damien always cleaned the sink of hair when he shaved and kept all his dirty clothes in a hamper in his room, and you both were good about knocking if the door was closed and hanging your towels up to prevent molding.

The things you didn’t expect were issues in that they weren’t issues at all; if anything they were positive. Damien put on his cologne in the bathroom in the mornings, and when you would go in afterwards the sink area had a soft musky smell that always made you pause and inhale deeply, drinking in the scent. If he was shaving he’d leave the door ajar and if you wanted to talk, you could (with his permission) come right in to be heard over the electric razor- and with his concentration absorbed in facial care you could let your eyes gaze down his biceps and torso, shirtless after his shower to keep his shirt free from hair but often with water droplets still clinging to his shoulders, jeans slung low on his hips, feet bare. And every once in a while you would both take pics in the bathroom, since it had the best lighting in the apartment- either one of you posing for the other, or capturing the both of you in the mirror, often doing something silly. Your favorite so far had been when Damien was testing out a shaving brush and lather set (a gift from Boze), and had suggested a picture in which both of you had shaving soap-covered chins; you’d watched him apply the lather to his own face in the mirror, and then he’d done the same to you, you sitting on the counter as he stood between your legs and swirled the soft brush across your cheeks. It wasn’t something meant to be sensual or sexual, he’d been chattering some sort of cat trivia throughout and the final photo was very silly; but the intimacy of the proximity, and of his careful application to your face, had you reliving the moment for days afterwards, though you weren’t sure exactly why.

Overall, you tried to push these moments in time out of your mind, and not pile them together or think of how they might be related- and your friendship-slash-roommateship with Damien continued on…..until an occurrence during an evening playful-argument-turned-tickle-fight added an entirely new dimension to your current domestic bliss.

It was a tickle fight in which you participated with maximum enthusiasm, no-holds-barred, and Damien was happy to retaliate- tickling your armpits as you thrashed in giggles, pulling you to fall back into his lap as he continued his attack on your sides, with you contorting and squirming amidst laughter.

“You’ll never best me, i’m the tickle king!” he declared as he went for the stretch of stomach exposed by your crop top, attacking around your belly button as you wiggled back against him, trying in vain to escape. You were happily giggling and gallivanting when suddenly he stopped, hands hovering in place for a second before slowly retreating.

“I- i’m sorry, I didn’t mean- “

“What are you apologizing for?” You moved to sit up against his thighs, turning to face him. “You di- “......  
…...as your hips curled up in the process of righting yourself, you quickly came to notice just what exactly he was apologizing for. Well, either that or he’d left a dowel in his pocket from his last leather crafting project. But probably not a dowel. Dowels typically weren’t quite so warm. And his sweatpants didn’t have pockets.  
“.....oh.”

You quickly looked away as Damien’s face flushed, you were sure yours was just as red.  
Neither of you made any move to get up or push the other away.

“So….um…..” Damien tried, words for once failing his wit.

“You know, this is my first time feeling a boner.” You aimed for conversational…..and landed a few hundred miles south of the target. If you were a nuke you would have just bombed your own home base.

“Oh, really? You never…..with a boyfriend or anything….”

“I never really had a serious boyfriend- I “dated” a guy for two weeks and half a kiss, and definitely had a few hookup attempts gone wrong, but nothing ever progressed far enough- or, far enough successfully. I wasn’t exactly a catch in high school, and I’ve been too focused on school and work ever since.”

“I doubt you were ever not a catch- is it something you regret?”

“Hah, thanks, and in many ways no- I know at the time I was pretty lonely, but looking back at most points I wasn’t mature enough for a real relationship anyways- my only regret is that i’m so inexperienced now that I wouldn’t know the first thing about anything, if any sort of opportunity ever arose.”

“Arose, huh? Good pun!” he chuckled, you joining in, it hadn’t quite been intentional but you were happy with it nonetheless. “I mean, the thing about those kind of- “ he had shifted his position to lean further back in the couch, just to get comfortable, but as you were still sitting in his lap it just caused his erection to slide across your rear, and Damien to choke but try to cover it in a cough.

“You want me to….?” you made a gesture as if to get up, and get off (pun not intended there.)

“I mean, if you- I mean, no, but…..Okay, i’m kinda one to grab the bull by the horns when it comes to propositions and offers, heck, living here in this apartment was one of them….” He appeared to pause and consider his next words before taking a deep breath and diving straight in. “If you want someone to….learn on...like, just have a hands-on anatomy lesson, test out the waters, figure out the process, that sorta thing- i’m happy to make myself available.”

It wasn’t what you’d expected, though you hadn’t had any expectations at all. And it left you with so many questions- what exactly, really, did he mean? What were the details of this offer? Would it be awkward to essentially add a sexual component to this roommate relationship? Or would the fact that you were friends and comfortable with each other be a better environment for a learning experience, not something scary or nerve-wracking?

Although you did need some answers, you had to admit you’d much rather get your bearings with a familiar individual who was there to teach you, rather than screw something up with someone you were trying to impress.

You were about to answer, when the buzzer rang- you hastily left Damien’s lap and answered it as he adjusted himself and got up off the couch, and by the time you had finished signing for the rug order, he was starting to prepare lunch- and between the meal and arranging the new décor, the moment was brushed over….though it was far from forgotten. You would have to find a way to bring it up again, find out if he was serious...because you really did want to know more. And you knew you wouldn’t be afraid if this was something you could go through with him.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You would have to find a way to bring it up again, find out if he was serious...because you really did want to know more. And you knew you wouldn’t be afraid if this was something you could go through with him.

Life progressed as normal for the next few days- you went to work, did laundry, and each prepared meals for each other. It was comfortable, almost as if you’d both honestly forgotten the moment- but you at least had certainly not, you just wanted the time to really think it through. You found the more you pondered the offer, the more you genuinely wanted to take Damien up on it; to face the unknown (and frankly, several of your insecurities) with someone you truly trusted, who knew you were inexperienced, where the whole goal was a learning experience- not truly sexual, not enough to infringe upon your friendship, though if you were being honest with yourself you could now admit you had a slight bit of a crush on the man and really wanted to exploit this opportunity to its fullest.

Friday night rolled around- usually weekend evenings you would both have plans with friends, but this time you were both free, so you agreed to relax with a mock-fancy dinner of chinese takeout (not dissimilar to your first dinner together after moving in). Damien didn’t drink so he just had some sparkling grape juice with dinner (“Daddy has sure got his juice now, as Shayne would say,”) while you enjoyed a nice glass (or three) of Moscato D’Asti (“But I like to call it Moscato D’Nasty,”) sipped politely out of a plastic promotional cup from a hockey game.

You both were cracking up the whole time as jokes were exchanged, and by the time you were done with dinner you’d for sure drunk enough to feel a bit tipsy, but still functional. You soon both ended up on the couch for the purpose of watching Saturday Night Live reruns, but it soon devolved into another tickle war- which reminded you of the one that took place a few days before.

“D-Damien, ha, wait a sec, wait- “ he politely halted the barrage, still giggling but taking pause to make sure you were alright. “D’you remember that thing, a couple days ago, last time we were on the couch?”

“Well, if by ‘that thing’ you mean my penis, then yes, it’s not something I tend to forget or leave lying around- “

“No- I mean, technically, yes- but I mean, the offer you….offered?”

The mood again became a little more serious. “Yeah, I remember- it does still stand, if that’s what you’re getting at.”

“I mean, I was kinda wondering- if it’s really okay- but I don’t know what you want or what you meant or how to start- “

“Woah, no rush, no need to get too far ahead- I literally meant what I said; I don’t ‘want’ anything out of it, other than to be a resource, whether you prefer having a classroom lesson, a living anatomy model, a walkthrough, an example- I am yours to do with what you desire.”  
He had meant the last phrase to be humorous, but you found it more than a little arousing to imagine.

“Is that really okay? I mean, i’ll let you choose how to do things, you’re the more informed one here, but I want to make sure you’re really serious.”

“I really am- and while we’re going with the classroom example,” he turned more to face you, very seriously now. “This isn’t a required course where attendance or performance can affect your future. If there’s anything at all you’re not comfortable with- anything that’s too much or too far or you just don’t want to do, no explanation or justification needed- you let me know, and we’ll stop. No pressures, no standards- it’s all on your terms, and I promise you no matter how things go or how weird they may get, at the end of the day we are still roommates and friends and i’m not going to let anything get in the way.”  
Somehow, he always seemed to know exactly what you needed to hear to calm your anxieties and feel comfortable in a situation.

“Okay…….then i’m down. But it’s up to you where to start.”

“Alright, no problem, that’s fine by me.” He pulled you into his lap so that you were both facing the television and turned the volume down, his arms casually laying across your legs. The closeness you had always found comforting- and the lack of eye contact somehow diffused a lot of pressures and anxiety out of the situation.  
“So tell me,” he said, his chin balancing on your shoulder, cheek to cheek, words almost buzzing into your scalp, “You said you’d never felt an erection before?”

“No, never. And aside from a drunk guy peeing on Hollywood Boulevard on the weekend- “ he chuckled at that, the sound pleasantly reverberating around you, “I’ve never really seen one either. I didn’t have a super informative sex ed class in high school, I mean I learned all about internal biology and STDs and pregnancy, but not about any of the actually, like, sexual parts of sex.”

“A lot of schools seem like that- I went to a more open high school, but my middle school was super conservative, our health teacher refused to acknowledge that you could get pregnant before marriage.” Damien moved his arms to around your waist, squeezing you against his chest as he sighed. “Our education system sure needs a serious reformation. But okay, so…..do you know how boners work?”

“I mean I know you get an erection when you’re aroused, and i’ve heard the phrase “pop a boner”, but that just makes me imagine it’s spring-loaded, which i’m pretty sure is wrong.”

Damien laughed at that. “Like with the ‘Boioioing!’ sound effect right? I wish, that would be hilarious.” He jostled you on his lap some more. “I mean, especially in puberty, they happen for a whole bunch of different reasons- it can be arousal, or a stiff breeze, or any intense emotion, or any reason at all. It kinda starts out as a free-for-all and then gets easier to control with age.”

“I’ve definitely heard the expression ‘rage-boner’, but I thought it meant like having a fetish for being angry?”

“Someone out there probably does have that, but nah- you can literally be so intensely angry that you get a hard-on because of it. I think it’s just the intensity of the feeling and getting your blood pumping all over.” He was almost unconsciously trailing his fingers in circles on your stomach as he spoke; you’d noticed Damien was definitely the kind of person who moved around a lot without even knowing, but he had also done things like rub your shoulders when you were stressed, and this kind of seemed to be a bit of both- or at least, it had that effect on you. That, and it made you shiver, through the slight tickling of the sensation as well as in your skin prickling excitedly to his touch. “As for being spring-loaded, I guess it’s a process that happens faster if you’re, like, super aroused or whatever, but it’s more just a gradual inflating of erectile tissue with blood. It’s literally all supported by tissue and blood flow- I think some animals have an actual penis bone, but human men are sadly lacking.” He moved his legs now, sitting in a slightly more sprawled-out manner that sat you deeper in his lap- and he was again wearing sweatpants. That still had no pockets. And you were pretty sure he hadn’t used a dowel for anything leatherworking all week.

“Wha- are you- “

“Yep. See? It can happen subtly, you didn’t even notice.”

“Well there ain’t no strong breeze here cuz I know I didn’t fart.”

He laughed again, and you felt his dick tap against your lower back. “I trust you- but seriously, even a thought or a feeling or literally nothing at all. Dicks aren’t picky, only people are.”

“I want that on a t-shirt.”

“Me too, now that I think of it….” He shifted you from his lap to leaning against his side, so that your arm hung just in front of his crotch. “I can’t think of a way to say this that doesn’t sound weird, but…...would you like to touch? You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” He added when you hesitated.

You internally debated- or tried to, but between the wine and your excitement it wasn’t much of a debate. “Can I- can I stay outside of the sweatpants?”

“Of course- that’s probably a far better way to, sort of, get accustomed, I guess.” While he kept his tone light and humorous, he had for sure begun stuttering a bit more, and his face seemed to be slightly flushed- you supposed that even though he didn’t have a crush on you (you were pretty sure, anyways) he’d been single a while and probably didn’t mind having his dick touched in the slightest.

You stretched out your fingers hesitantly, pulling back a few times before advancing. “It’s not gonna leap out and bite you, I promise!” Damien chuckled. You could see the bulge in his sweats by your hip- not too intimidating as it just looked like a swell behind cloth, you could honestly pretend it really was a dowel or cucumber or something, but the fact that you still would be touching Damien’s penis still hovered in your mind.

Your fingertips stroked the gentle curve in the fabric; Damien didn’t say anything, his breathing steady, though you swore you could hear his heart in his chest. You ran your fingers across the length, figuring out where it started and ended- it jut out to the side, constrained by the sweats, almost horizontal, pointing away from you to the right.

“The testicles sit at the base there, and th-the bump at the top is the head- i’m circumcised, so no foreskin- and the hole at the tip has a cool name, I just forget what it is right now.” He shivered slightly as your fingers trailed down to ever so gently outline his sac, and drew in a breath sharply when you went back up to the tip and traced over the slit- it made his dick jump, enough to notice, and you drew back your hand hurridly.

“Did that hurt?”

“No, no pain, it’s just a more sensitive spot. The twitching is entirely normal.” He giggled, or tried to, but it came out a little more breathy and strained- and his face was definitely flushing.

Curiosity still overcoming your doubts, you turned to face sideways and bring both hands to use, leaning your head on Damien’s shoulder. He splayed his arms on the top of the couch, but then let the one closer to you come around your shoulders. He still sat leaned back and legs slightly open, giving unhesitating access.

As he leaned his head on yours for a moment in a gesture of comfort, you returned to your explorations. His sweatpants were older and of a rather thin material (and given that it was a Friday evening and you both weren’t going out, he appeared to not be wearing underwear), so you could trace and actually feel where the head joined his shaft, the vein on the underside; you paid attention to his reactions, noticing that his breathing deepened when you traced near the base and that his dick twitched when you would linger around the head just so. You couldn’t keep from giggling as you found you could make it jump by (gently) tapping the slit, Damien soon giggling with you, until you noticed a small damp spot was forming where your finger was making contact with his tip.

Your eyebrows went up, confused. “Is- is that……”

“No, hmmhm, it’s just precum- cleans out the urethra, I think. It just kinda……drips out, unfortunately.”

“Seems better than the feminine situation, sometimes your underwear just gets absolutely ruined,” you joked, as Damien huffed out a laugh and continued to blush a dark shade of pink.

“Does that happen to yours?” he asked you- his voice had grown deeper, and was closer to a low murmur than his usual bouncy tone.

“S-sometimes, yeah………” …kind of maybe a little bit right now.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Does that happen to yours?” he asked you- his voice had grown deeper, and was closer to a low murmur than his usual bouncy tone.
> 
> “S-sometimes, yeah………” …kind of maybe a little bit right now.

You yanked your hands back at the realization- more startled by your own reaction than by anything having to do with your roommate.

Noticing your sudden retraction and the scared look on your face, Damien took it as a reaction to his crossing a line in asking about your own responses. “My bad, that’s on me- I shouldn’t have gone there, I’m sorry for that.” He removed his arm from your shoulder (you felt so much colder without it), and tapped his hands on his knees.  
“How ‘bout I go take a shower and then we keep watching SNL, maybe make popcorn?” 

You nodded distractedly, your mind still stuck on your own thoughts and not fully catching up to the situation or realizing what it seemed like from his perspective until he was already halfway to the bathroom.

You really, seriously liked Damien- you thought back to all those little moments building up over the months, when you first met him, when he’d made the offer, when he’d had his arm around you just now. You wanted to continue- to keep learning, experiencing, and…..honestly, you could see yourself having sex with him. Like, very vividly. But so many of those moments weren’t sexual- things as small as when he’d leave you sticky notes on the fridge with tiny pawprints drawn on them “from the cats”, or pick up your favorite chocolate because he’d driven by the store on his way home from a friends’ place, even how he did things like set your place at the table with your favorite hockey cup without having ever been told it was your favorite.

But you couldn’t date Damien, he was your roommate- that wasn’t allowed, right? Or did it just never work out in the movies and shows on tv? And you still didn’t think he liked you- you knew for sure he’d offered to help from a place of trust and friendship, not because he was trying to get in your pants. But would he want to, given the opportunity?

You continued to ponder, only interrupted in your thoughts by a comical shriek from the bathroom (the shower tended to spew freezing water if you didn’t give it enough time to warm up properly, you’d both gotten into a habit to see who could object to this the loudest), but ultimately shook yourself out of your musings and made popcorn at the stove while Damien finished showering, scooping it into the bowl by the time he emerged from the bathroom in soft flannels.

You both settled back into the couch and turned to the tv, though Damien was careful to keep a respectful distance away. You felt sad that you’d maybe scared him off; not only because you wanted to continue these “lessons” later, but because you were both very touchy by nature and didn’t want him avoiding you, never again engaging in tickle warfare or giving you noogies or batting your hands away from the couscous at dinner.

“I really am sorry about earlier,” Damien began, but now you were ready to explain the situation.

“It’s not anything you said, I didn’t even notice honestly- I just got caught up in my head and my, uh, my nerves got the best of me. It just kinda all caught up together is all. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Let me know if I ever do, I mean that, open communication is the dope-est communication,” he stated confidently, “And let me know if this is all too weird and you wanna stop, or…”

“It’s not, not for me if it isn’t for you- and maybe not tonight, but i’d be interested in picking up where things...left off another day?”

“It’s more than fine by me- and that’s also more than fine by me.” He seemed much more at ease now, stretching his arms back across the top of the couch like before, and you took the opportunity to slide-slash-fall against his side, smacking your head against his pectoral only kind of on purpose.

“Hey! Keep your headbutts to yourself!” He joked, tousling your hair.  
“I’m cold, and you’re a furnace, let me get my warmth where I can.” It was true- he openly admitted to running hot, and even (or especially) in LA you tended to keep the AC on pretty high.

“Alright, alright, I guuuessssssss….” he trailed off exaggeratedly- rubbing your arms as if to warm you up, and ultimately pulling you close and leaving his arm on your shoulders, his head gently resting against yours as your attention drifted in between the show and the comforting feeling of leaning against someone you truly cared for.

\-----

You’d both come close to dozing off but given that you’d woken up in your bed, you assumed you’d been awake enough to get yourself there (your sleep-hazed brain hung on to a snapshot of being carried in a hug, head on a shoulder, being laid in bed and covers being drawn over- but that had to be an imagining, or a dream…..right?) and by the next morning you were both fully rejuvenated, with you getting to sleep in late and waking up to Damien frying eggs in the kitchen, dancing with Freyja and Zelda to the radio in between flipping food into the air.

“Over easy?” He asked as you shuffled in, still tired and with a disaster of a bedhead, but smiling humming along to the music.

“You got it!” You started chopping up melons, and in no time at all breakfast was cooked and eaten, and life went on- but you kept your eyes open for another opportunity, another chance, to steal those feeling you’d had the night before, both in the sexual scenario and in curling up on the couch together.

\------

Another smattering of days passed, including friends coming over, board games, and a sleepover on your living room floor, pushing the tables and couches to form a boundary ring and filling the center with every blanket and pillow you could find- everyone waking up in a clash of limbs, friends from out of states and friends from work alike. The next opportunity came a couple of weeks down the line, as Damien had begun to pace around the apartment appearing irritated.

“”Have you seen Freyja or Zelda stealing my socks at all? I swear it’s either them, the sock goblins, or the dryer demons,” he mused.

“Ha, I can’t say I have, but i’ll be sure to keep an eye out.”

He plopped himself down on the couch next to where you were reading your most recent bookstore find with a few more pairs of socks- he had collected a pile of single socks on the coffee table, and was attempting to sort through them and find any remaining pairs.  
“How’s the novel?”

“It’s okay; it’s supposed to be this really intense romance but it just has so many plot holes, like, there’s already three different instances where the guy ‘rips the clothes off’ of the girl, and they never mention her running out of shirts or buying new ones.” Damien snorted, nodding in agreement. “There’s also some stuff that’s either bad writing or some reference going over my head- like, the author keeps mentioning the guy scurrying off to take a cold shower and getting all persnickety afterwards. Why is the shower always cold? They mention the girl taking a hot bath, there’s no way their plumbing is broken….”

“Persnickety, now that there’s a word- yeah, I think it’s intentional, especially in a book of ah-muuure,” he drawled, pretending to be fancy. “Sudden cold in general is a pretty effective way to kill a boner, if far from the most pleasant way. And many guys, myself likely included at times, can get a little tense if that has to be a repeat experience. It’s just not super fun to never get that fulfillment, you know?”

“Oh, like when someone says they’re gonna die of blue balls?”

“I’m absolutely certain it’s never killed anybody, but yeah, it's just frustrating.”

“Our shower can’t be fun then, what with the dial never agreeing on which side is warm and which one is cold from one day to the next.”

“Haha, I mean that’s just not fun from a, ‘I’d rather not freeze to death in LA’ stance, but it's also definitely a little painful if that’s the case. But again, also definitely effective at halting and hiding the visible symptoms.”

You remembered when Damien had left amidst your misunderstanding, and his shriek in the shower thereafter. “Sorry about you having to freeze your balls off, that time when you were….showing me stuff.” It was so tricky to find a way to explain what exactly it was you were both doing- but you both knew exactly to which you were referring.

“Don’t be, taking a shower was my choice, and I could have avoided the cold just by waiting for the pipes- my balls are happily still attached. Oh, and do stuff one of these socks in my mouth if this is tee-em-eye, but i’ve been trying to ‘abstain from the Devil’s temptations’ lately anyways, so if anything it just motivated me to stay on track with that.”

“You’re not, not jacking off just cuz you’re living with me, right? I mean I don’t care what you do in your room if the door’s closed…”

“Good to know, so I can go ahead with recording my upcoming screamo album at full volume?”

“Absolutely not. At least while i’m within a radius of ten miles. Thanks for asking, though.”

“Anytime. And no, not because of that….more just because they say it’s healthy to take a break here and there, anything can become an addiction if you can’t make yourself stop, y’know…..also, well, since after a while of going without you can start to get aroused by as little as a well-written sentence, I thought it would just…..make things a little more efficient, kind of expedite the scenario, in case you wanted to….. try out stuff some more.”

“Well if ‘well-written’ is a requirement, I would not recommend this book- and are you saying you’re training yourself to get hard at a moment’s notice, for education?”

“I am a very dedicated teacher.”

“Pfft, I’ll say.” You paused, as Damien continued to sort clothing, considering the best approach to exploit this perfect opening before going ahead with it. “Are you…...okay with me, trying out more stuff? Or something like that?”

“Yes, of course- even the ‘something like that’ part.” He paused in his folding, sitting back into the couch and turning to face you. “Anything in particular you wanted to do or to know?”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Are you…...okay with me, trying out more stuff? Or something like that?”
> 
> “Yes, of course- even the ‘something like that’ part.” He paused in his folding, sitting back into the couch and turning to face you. “Anything in particular you wanted to do or to know?”

“I’ll go with whatever you recommend.”

He took a minute to think, forehead furrowed in concentration. “You said earlier you’d had ‘failed hookup attempts’- what did you mean by that?”

“There’ve been a couple times where I’ve met up with a guy, from Tindr or okcupid or farmersonly.com, where I’m certain the intent on both of our parts was to do the deed but I always ended up getting awkward or nervous or running away or not knowing what to do. I really don’t know what a standard hookup procedure or scenario is like. Also, it seemed like a better idea in the end to not lose my v-card to a stranger.”

“Totally reasonable, totally solid thinking.” He pondered some more, hesitating a few times before making his next statement. “If- if you wanted- we could kind of do, like, a walkthrough? Or a roleplay, kind of, of what a hookup would look like? Not all the way, just to get comfortable with it and all, no need to lose the ‘vee’ to me or anything.”

“Okay, yeah, that sounds good….and you’re not a stranger, so I’d be happy to do it with you. Theoretically. I mean.” You tried to smooth out your rather intense statement.

“I’m…I’m honored.” He actually seemed to mean it, regarding you seriously, a soft look in his eyes. “Well, I haven’t exactly had a ton of experience with hookup culture myself, but in my dating and relationship-based sexual experiences, starting with a distraction is the easiest tactic. Here, pretend I’m from farmersonly.com, the farmer of your most agricultural fantasies.” Turning to face you fully, he stuck out a hand. “I’m Joe-Bob and I milk goats for a living.”

Instantly comfortable again with his joking and diffusing the moment, you shook his hand enthusiastically. “I’m Bertha and I breed chickens, but I’m not against the occasional vegetable garden as well. As long as your goats don’t eat my sweet peas.”

You both ended up laughing, going through a slightly serious but mostly hilarious introduction of your characters.

“Alright, beautiful Bertha, would you like to watch the rodeo channel? Or perhaps, if you’d like some less rambunctious viewing, may I recommend comedy central?”

“That sounds delightful.” You grabbed the remote, flicking through the channels to land on the movie currently playing on the station as Damien took a moment to remove his sock collection from the living room and come back to sit next to you, closer than just before.  
“Shall I show off my slick moves, as the kids these days would say?”

“Yes please- it’d be good to know what would happen, what to prepare for.”

“Alright. First- approximately thirteen and a half minutes of watching tv silently but amicably.”

“That strict of a timetable, huh?”

“I’m trying to be as exact as possible.” You both chuckled, and settled in to watch. You ended up enjoying the movie, paying pretty good attention to it, not noticing until the last possible second when Damien yawned and stretched, gently placing his arm around you in the process.

“Slick indeed.”

“I like to go with the classics, really emulate that first date feeling.”

This was pretty normal to you by now, being close to him and in and around his arms, so you didn’t hesitate to tuck your head into the crook of his shoulder, curling towards him, and he leaned back into you and ran his hand up and down your arm in a slow, comforting rhythm.

You continued to sit like that in relative silence for another stretch of time. The movie was a parody of a bunch of other films blended together, with lots of jokes and puns throughout, and you enjoyed hearing the rumble of Damien’s deep chuckling laugh through his chest. The movie progressed to parody the horror genre, with some mockingly lame but still startling jumpscares, that soon had you both alternating between jolting and laughing.

“If this were a date night- or a hookup, I just have more experience with the formatting of the former- a horror movie is something I, or, the guy, would probably take as an opportunity to be all protective manly man and comfort-you-slash-use-it-as-an-excuse-to-be-touchy,” Damien stated, pulling you into his chest as you giggled at his description of a stereotypical macho guy. You were more than happy to settle into his lap once again, resting your head on his pecs, as he made jokes about the film, alternating between gesturing and squeezing his arms around you to “protect” you.

The movie calmed down a bit, and you both fell quiet again to hear the whispers in the dialogue. Damien still had his arms around you, and had begun lazily tracing designs on your skin, down your forearms and across the hint of skin visible at your middle; you shivered as his fingertips ghosted across your stomach.

“Is this okay?” he murmured, low in your ear.

“Yeah, it’s just….it makes me all tingly.”

“That’s a good thing, that’s what we’re aiming for.” He chuckled, continuing his tracings just under the hem of your shirt as you tried your best not to fidget (and failed miserably), feeling hypersensitive to his touch.

Gently, he pressed his palm to your middle, warming you as well as pulling you against him, lowering his head to trail his nose around the side of your neck by your ear- and as he placed his other hand across your thigh to press you down and against him, you noticed that you really had to stop with this dowel analogy.

You straightened to tip your head back towards him, grinding your ass down in the process, and he groaned low in his throat, the noise vibrating through you.

The hand he had splayed across the side of your leg he now more gently moved to the top, his thumb brushing back and forth towards the inside of your thigh. You were wearing a loose pair of pajama shorts so his fingers were on bare skin, all of them turning to trail along the sensitive spots on your skin, as his other hand continued inching up under your shirt, drawing designs across your ribcage. You trembled visibly, almost purring like you were one of the cats, pressing your ass against him almost unconsciously now. He gave a slow reciprocal grind in response, angling his hips, and you felt his cock throb against you- or maybe that was you throbbing, you swore you could feel your blood rushing all over, and you highly doubted your panties were making it out of this experiment intact.

His fingers were now dipping down and back, dragging up closer and closer to the crotch of your shorts as his other traced across your side, and you shivered with every circle he made.

“At this point, you’d probably get into the touching and taking off of clothing,” he said in a breathy almost-rasp, sounding as scrambled as you felt, “But if you want to stick with a nice clean lesson we’re probably better off stopping here.” He sounded sincere, but there was definitely a touch of longing in his voice.

“I…..you know…..I like getting a little bit dirty….” You managed to scrape out in response, not sure how far things would end up going, but really not wanting to stop.

“I’m so, so down for that.” He said as he rubbed his hips back against you, dragging his dick back and forth, rubbing it up against your rear. “Tell me- tell me how this feels…..”

He brought the hand that was playing across your thighs now right up to the edge of your shorts, briefly dipping in the sides and making you jump before pressing a finger on top of the crotch, his touch a focused pressure through the thin fabrics of your pajamas and underwear, and dragging it up against the twin edges of your labia.

Now you sucked in your breath, unable to keep from making a soft noise in response to the feeling. You ground yourself firmly forward, searching out that sensation that you found yourself craving, but needing to move with, not content in any one place or position- and in between you pushing forwards, he pulled you back, grinding you against his fingers in one moment and back into his cock in the next.

After a few rounds of this cycle, he slipped his fingers in the side of the crotch of your pants, and tickled across the even thinner fabric of your panties- pressing his face into your shoulder and shuddering out a breath as he felt the dampness of the fabric, the smooth way it glided against you covered in your slick.

The sensation of desperation, of seeking something you were so close yet so unable to find, kept on intensifying; when his fingers slipped inside your underwear as well, dipping into your wetness and swirling slowly around your clit, you let out a noise somewhere in between a moan, a huff, and a whine- drunk, or maybe high, on the sensation. Damien was trying to keep his own pace of movement against your ass slow and steady, but unable to keep from occasional jerks or presses in between; you could feel the increasing pressure of him rubbing against you, and got into a rhythm of pushing quickly and lightly into his circles, and slower and stronger back against his cock.

“Damien, oh,” you breathed out his name, your voice barely more than a breath, and he moaned against your neck, pressing kisses down the side. “I feel- I feel- “ he slowed his motions, in case you wanted him to stop, which only made you whine and grab at his arm, trying to keep from pushing his hand against you yourself, “N-no, don’t stop, I, I just, Damien- “

He resumed his actions but at kept to a slower pace, breathing hot against your neck, and began tracing patterns up, down, and around your clit, ranging in pressure from a serious press to the lightest of touches, and you felt like your heart was in your throat and your skin about to light on fire and your mind just gone, evaporated out of your skull, and then the scales tipped and you were shaking, pulsing in convulsions, trying not to scream or swear and ending up stuttering out a breathy, “Ah, ah, oh, oh God, what, Damien,”- he gripped you tight as you shook and struggled to process the feeling, his hips starting to increase in speed in their movements against you, but suddenly he swore and was escaping out from behind you, leaving the couch and staggering over to the bathroom, getting in the shower almost instantly as you took in gulps of air and tried to figure out what the hell had just happened.

You could hear more muted swearing from the shower as you caught your breath and your mind settled back into your head. What the hell? That was what an orgasm was like? You’d masturbated- or attempted to- every once in a while in the past but clearly you hadn’t made it there or even been truly aroused before, the height of sensations you’d felt just now was on another plane entirely. It had felt like you were dying, or ascending, or getting gut-punched repeatedly but in a good way, or a little like peeing after holding it for forever, or like your skin had flipped inside out and your organs had done a somersault all during a heart attack. And why had Damien left so suddenly? Had you scared him, or weirded him out? Did he cum? Did he not want to cum? Why? You were full of questions but also your brain was still rather mushy, and it was late in the evening and the lights were off, so you soon just dropped off, sleeping soundly by the time Damien finally left the shower, feeling more than just a little pained and pent up and regretful- but hopefully not mad at you or anything, as when you woke up Saturday morning, there was a blanket tucked neatly around you that there hadn’t been before, and a note (with a kitten face in the corner) on the counter letting you know there was a plate of pancakes kept warm in the oven if you wanted for breakfast.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You were full of questions but also your brain was still rather mushy, and it was late in the evening and the lights were off, so you soon just dropped off, sleeping soundly by the time Damien finally left the shower, feeling more than just a little pained and pent up and regretful- but hopefully not mad at you or anything, as when you woke up Saturday morning, there was a blanket tucked neatly around you that there hadn’t been before, and a note (with a kitten face in the corner) on the counter letting you know there was a plate of pancakes kept warm in the oven if you wanted for breakfast.

You ate the pancakes, (which were strawberry and blueberry and delicious,) and did some cleaning and laundry of your own, and were in the process of copying your schedule over to a new calendar when Damien returned. He’d taken to going to the gym on weekend mornings, sometimes with Wes if he was awake or with Courtney and Olivia if they wanted company. He tossed his gym bag into his room, pausing to rub his wet hair with a towel- he usually showered at the gym after a workout- before coming in to the kitchen, hesitating when you looked up.

He was flushed from his workout and clean from the shower, but overall he looked like a wreck- and seemed almost nervous to look you in the eye.

“Day?”

“Y-yeah?”

“What’s up? You don’t look too solid. Did I …...hurt you or do something wrong, last night?”

He sighed and looked at the floor, the tension and stiffness draining from his posture, but a guilty, regretful look taking its place.

“It’s not- man, how do I explain this……well I can promise it’s not- you didn’t do anything wrong.” He pulled out a chair and joined you at the table, putting his head in his hands, running his fingers through the sides of his hair. “I- it’s my fault, I- I just got too carried away. This was all meant to be a way to help you, to make you feel safe and comfortable, and I got all caught up in my own emot- ….in my own pleasure and gratification, just being selfish, and I don’t want you to think I’m just in this for myself or just….using you, for my own means, because I’m really not meaning to or supposed to and I don’t want to make things weird to live together but I just went too far.”

That was not at all how you’d seen things (and was he about to say something about emotions? Could it be, possibly, that he also had feelings invested?) and you told him as much. “That’s not at all what I think, or what it seems like to me- if anything you were being impressive selfless, I think I gained universal enlightenment for a moment there, like I transcended Buddha himself!” You got snort out of him with that. “And I didn’t even get a chance to do anything in return for you. Did you- did you even get to finish?”

He seemed surprised at your desire to reciprocate. “I- I didn’t think you would want to, I guess…..I didn’t want to be asking anything of you, cuz that wasn’t really the point……and no, I just flash-froze myself.” He chuckled, though there was a dullness to the sound. “Don’t feel bad for me, it was my choice, my decision- I didn’t want to laden you with any pressures or expectations.”

“You really didn’t- you’ve been so giving and so understanding about everything, so considerate, I was happy to reciprocate because I li- ….because, i’m happy to reciprocate……well…..okay and because frankly, as educational as everything’s been…….I think I’m just as guilty because I really just want to do stuff, for the sake of doing stuff….with you.”

He looked staggered at your statement, and you struggled to properly explain yourself. “And it’s not because I’m just horny and lonely - I mean, I am a little- but it’s because even from the first day you’ve always been there for me, you’re always so courteous and considerate, and you make sure i’m comfortable if it’s in a group out at dinner or in a cold apartment or when it’s just us, and the way you sing little songs to the cats when nobody’s around and the way you find humor in just about everything and the way you tousle my hair- “

You had to physically clamp a hand over your mouth in a belated attempt to keep your foot out of it, slumping to put your head in your hands when you realized you’d said literally just about everything you hadn’t meant to ever tell anyone.

Damien wasn’t saying anything- no jokes, no puns, no serious statements and no stammering, so you risked peeking in between your fingers to see if he was even still there. He was, and for a second you were afraid he’d have an appalled expression on his face, but his features were soft- eyes crinkling at the corner as he slowly broke into a surprisingly tender smile.

“Now it’s my turn to say I crossed a line, you don’t have to be nice to me, It’s my- “

“No.” He said it so plainly, so straightforward, (perhaps the only time you’d heard him utter just a singular word,) that you peeked up to hear what he had to say.

“I’m definitely surprised- but not upset, not shocked, just surprised. I didn’t think that someone like you, with how you so trustingly took me in and became my friend, how you bookmark passages in novels you think i’d find funny or bake cookies for when I get home if i’ve been texting you about a stressful day, how you scrunch your nose when you laugh or how you dance to the radio- …..I didn’t think that someone like you would feel that way for someone like me.”

Now you were the one left speechless.

“I got so….so scared, when I ran away last night, not only because I was afraid i’d overstepped, and been selfish, and ruined our friendship- but because it finally dawned on me, the extent of how I felt about you. I was up all night just figuring out how I felt, putting together all the pieces from these past months. In that moment, I...I wanted you, sure, and I thought maybe I was just lonely and horny too…..but even come morning, I still knew that however you might react or whatever I might have to do, I would do it in a heartbeat if it reassured you, if it kept our relationship intact, if I could just keep being here even if only to make you smile. I told Wes as much, at the gym, and he all but hit me upside the head and said the whole office had known, that it was obvious how I felt and they all had bets going as to when exactly I would get my butt into gear.”

“I’ve had something similar, kind of happening this whole time- i’d always dismissed how I felt and what I did as just, we were close friends, i’d never really had a relationship or lived with a guy so maybe that was just what it was like- all my friends said I was blind to it all, and thick as a brick, but I just…...I didn’t want to admit how I felt, or risk scaring you away.” That was all true- while you hadn’t told anyone about your...experimentations, you had both had friends over plenty, and one look at your and Damien’s dynamic and they had all seen that you were each enamored with each other- but just refusing to realize it. Looking back, you supposed you’d been far closer and more comfortable around each other than typical roommates were- you just had been too stubborn to see it.

Damien huffed out a laugh, but this time sounding decidedly happier. “Wow- we’re probably the only two people in this city who could get to third base before even realizing for ourselves how we felt about each other.”

“So...what happens next?”

“Well, I guess….if you don’t mind…….there’s quite a few things we didn’t get to in our ‘lesson plan’- if you wanted to continue that little exercise……”

“Absolutely! This is kinda fate, isn’t it- this whole time i’d been afraid of being unsure or inexperienced around my first real, well, real relationship- but it turns out I got to be with someone I trusted all along.” Damien blushed a bit at that. “Buuuuut I wouldn’t recommend the couch right now, I just finished shampooing it.”

“You shampooed...the couch?”

“Zelda barfed on it, the girls downstairs had a carpet shampooer, I like a clean upholstery.”

“Fair enough. Would you wanna…...come chill on my bed instead?”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Fair enough. Would you wanna…...come chill on my bed instead?”

“Sure!” Practically buzzing, you leapt up from the table and skipped over to Damien’s room, ignoring his exclamations of “Wait, right now?? But I haven’t cleaned in there!” to peek inside.

You went over to sit on his bed, poring over his (small, but still substantial) bookshelf and posters as he came over to join you, turning on his tv to a random channel but not looking anywhere near the direction of the screen.

“There’s something I wanted to do, but it didn’t seem necessary at the time- come over here,” he scooted up to rest against the backrest, propped up at the wall, beckoning you forward. You shimmied back to sit in his lap facing the television, but he stopped you, chuckling at the situation. “Okay, we’ve clearly gotten into a pattern here but try- sit facing me this time.”

Taking a pause, not sure quite what he wanted, you ended up straddling his lap with your legs kneeled on either side of his hips. “Like this?”

“That works just fine. Now, experimentation and sex is all fine and good, but here’s where the real magic is at…”

You were expecting something dirty, or complicated, or a sexual magic trick maybe, but it wasn’t any of the above. Damien wrapped one arm around your waist, used his other hand to slightly tilt your face….and kissed you, just a gentle press of the lips before he sat back and smiled.

“A kiss?” you asked.

“A kiss. I’ve been hoping for the chance to do that for…..well, now for quite awhile.”

“Can…..we do it again?”

He laughed. “As much as you want!”

It turned out Damien was quite a good kisser- not that you’d have many stellar makeout experiences, but this one definitely was miles ahead of the rest. He started out just gently pressing light kisses to your lips, as you smiled against his mouth, trailing his hands down your spine, before progressing to adding in a touch of tongue here, a quick bite on the lip there, and in no time at all you were rocking forward and going for it with enthusiasm, unable to get enough of him.

As his hands came to rest low on his hips, you pushed any last lingering nerves to the side and decided it was by far time for you to start making some moves. You slowly grasped his shirt and moved to pull it off, trying to be subtle and sexy about it- but forgetting that his arms were in the way.

“Here, I got it- “ He grabbed the back of his collar and pulled it over his head, and you trailed your hands down his chest. He tried to bounce his pecs, but really just did an exaggerated shimmy, making you both laugh.

“We gotta stay on equal footing now- i’m joinin’ ya”, you declared, crossing your arms to pull off your own top. Damien visibly stopped in his tracks to stare- purely by coincidence you were wearing you best undergarments today, and this lacy bra was doing you every favor in the book.

“God damn.”

“Thanks!”

He slid his hands up your sides as he kissed the top of the swell of each breast, and then across your collarbone and into the side of your neck- you rocked forward in eagerness, and- okay, he may not have been wearing sweatpants this time, but his gym shorts didn’t have any dowel-hiding pockets either. And with the very thin, very loose, and very stretchy fabric, it wasn’t so much trapped as loosely veiled.

He jerked as his cock slipped readily now, against your crotch this time- you jerking just a little with him at the pressure- and bit back a stifled groan.

“I’m- Jesus - “

“You’re Jesus?”

“I wish- actually, right now I don’t, i’m not trading this even- hmm- even for deity status - but just so you know, i’m rarin’ to go and haven’t gotten off in weeks so don’t j-judge me too harshly for my lack of stamina- “

“I would never... “ you leaned in, and in a moment of boldness, decided to murmur in his ear, “it’s actually really hot, seeing you all frustrated and desperate.”

Damien crushed his face into your shoulder, trying to muffle the pained moan that slipped out in reaction to your disclosure.

“S-slow down a second, let me breathe for a minute, I want to savor this.” You stilled your gyrations, as Damien sighed in relief. “May I…?” He drummed his fingers against the back of your bra.

“Go right ahead, if you- “ He had the clasps undone and open with a single-handed flourish. “Alright, wow, you clearly know what you’re doing there.”

“Spent a summer camp with a group of guys who practiced on a brassière wrapped around a tree trunk- though it’s definitely easier against soft skin instead of rough bark.” He slipped the straps off and pulled the bra off your arms to toss to the side- and did a double take once he looked back.  
“You have nipple piercings?”

“I’ve had them this whole time, they’re just not the sort of thing that comes up in casual conversation.”

“Since when have our conversations ever been solely casual,” he responded, as he gently flicked and tugged at your barbells, making you giggle, before cupping your breasts and stroking his thumbs across your nipples, and his fingers down the sides.

You arched your back to push your chest forward helpfully, and he wrapped his arms back around you to bring you even further forward, so that the metal ends dragged against his chest, making you both shiver. He tilted his head back, the chords of his neck standing out, and you nipped around his Adam’s apple.

Retreating, you savored his confusion as you pivoted off his lap- you were the one making the moves now, without any nerves or hesitation, which had to be due to your making good on your decision so long ago to make your first time with someone you trusted- Damien fulfilled that role flawlessly by now, and not to mention the way he was looking at you was making you halfway feel like royalty, and halfway want to make him feel that way too. You took off your pants, batting his hands away as he tried to pull you back, taking a second to admire him laid out and flushed, his cock straining against his shorts, precum dampening a spot at the tip.

Upon returning to your former position, Damien immediately dragged his hands down your thighs, sweeping his thumbs up against your underwear. “We’re equal again- i’ve only got on one layer.”

“How do you feel about ruining it?” You purred, kissing him again as you gave a slow grind against his erection, the water park that was your panties along with the material of his shorts helping everything to slip around, maintaining just the right balance of friction.

“Oh, yes, please,” Damien ground out, all but clamping his hands on your thighs and pressing you back down against him, both of you moaning as the pressure- and pleasure- ensued. 

You began to sway your hips side to side as well as down, slipping back and forth across his shaft, the feeling tantalizing against your clit. Damien seemed to be hanging on by a thread- his hips were practically pumping against yours, even moving the bed a bit in the process, snapping forward and seeking you out. In an attempt to even the playing field, he snuck his thumb in the side of your panties to brush against your clit- which felt amazing, and of course also intensified your grinding from the feeling, your own hips snapping a bit as well. With his fingers already tugging at your panties, and the frictions and lubrications at play, the crotch of your underwear soon slipped off to the side, and in the next press down you liberally coated his bulge with your slick, soaking through his shorts in an instant.

“God damn, ah, holy sh- ” With what might have almost been a growl, Damien had his arms wrapped around you and crushed you against him, and suddenly his hips were thrusting as if they were throwing punches and he was groaning into your neck. You clutched him as he shook through his orgasm, until he was fully spent and slumped back against the wall in a sigh.

You sat back on your heels to inspect the complete and utter mess that was his shorts. “Sheesh, thats a lotta liquid.”

“That’s what happens when you’re a cloth caught in between a Slip-n-Slide and a Nerf Water Blaster,” Damien rasped out, as he attempted to regain breath. “I haven’t cum in my pants since I was teenager, Jesus, that was intense.”

“Would you be up for it again sometime?”

“I mean, my entire lower half is currently out of commission here but i’ve been chaste long enough that I could probably be up for it in, like, twenty minutes. But in the meantime,” he intoned, raising an eyebrow, “There’s another kind of kissing that i’d like to explore.” He raised himself back up, gently pushing you back,until you were reclining on the bed and he was on his elbows above you. He leaned down to peck you on the lips, and after a few minutes of making out he began placing kisses down your jaw, your neck, and the tops of your breasts, before moving back to brush hands and lips across your belly and then walk fingertips up your inner thighs.

“Let it be known that I, Damien Haas the First, do not leave a lady unsatisfied.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Let it be known that I, Damien Haas the First, do not leave a lady unsatisfied.”

...He said in a joking tone, tugging what remained of your panties to your ankles so you could toe them off entirely before pressing his lips to the top of your pubic mound and slowly, ever so softly and gently working down around the outside of your labia.

You were already incredibly turned on and for a second a little self-conscious about the sheer amount of lubrication your body had created, but after Damien placed a few more kisses on your inner thighs and across the tops of your outer lips, he gently stroked with more and more pressure in between the joining of said lips until he was enthusiastically lapping up your juices, humming happily at the taste. He had to place a hand on your lower abdomen and another across your thigh to hold you down, as you were equally enthusiastically trying to wiggle towards his mouth- but he prevented that from happening, and kept his little licks light and paced, though with wide variation in the speed and location of the movements.

With his tongue slowly dancing, slowly spiraling you higher and higher into heady pleasure, you were soon panting and glazed in a sheen of sweat, and starting to feel that sensation of approaching a climax.

“Damien, wait, I’m gonna- I don’t wanna- “

“You don’t wanna?” He lifted his head with a smirk, eyes hooded, mouth and chin shiny and glistening. He looked decadently sinful, and you wanted to do downright unholy things to him.

“Not without you! Can you- do you have a-”

“Of course, I always have protection at the ready!” He said, reaching over to his nightstand drawer and pulling out a condom. “Glad we’re both on the same page with this, I would have suggested it if you didn’t.”

“I would never have not suggested it, it was the one thing my conservative education somehow managed to do right.”

Damien slid out of his (still very much ruined) gym shorts and opened the condom, sliding it on to his (already? Wow, he wasn’t kidding) (and….impressive, and a little intimidating in person) erection before flopping back on the bed on his back. He craned his neck to look at you upside-down and stick his tongue out at you, flipping back over and crawling up to face you as you giggled, pecking a kiss on your lips. “Since things have gone pretty well with spooning-style positions thus far in this sexual adventure, let’s keep going in that direction….” He set himself on his side next to you, guiding you to roll on your side too, so that you were both facing the side of the room, his chest pressed against your back, giving a few thrusts to joust his boner against your butt and make you laugh.

“I’ll go slow- tell me to stop at any time, okay? And I have lube if we need it- although I doubt it…...I love how wet you are for me,” he murmured the last part huskily in your ear, dipping one, them two fingers into you to make extra sure you were ready, then retracting them and sucking them clean.

Lining up and holding himself at the base of his cock, Damien gently pressed into you, slowly sliding in, as you held your breath but soon let it all out in a soft exhale at the realization that the pain of the “first time” that you’d been taught in school and read about in books clearly didn’t apply to situations where both parties were thoroughly and enthusiastically consenting. He slowly filled you, going deeper and deeper into yourself than you’d ever experimented with, filling a space you’d never felt but also never needed filled so much as in this very moment.

“All good there?”

“God, never better- “ you were already squirming against him, trying to press back and get him as deeply anchored inside of you as you could, making him chuckle as he very slowly but increasingly surely began rolling his hips, in and out. It soon became fairly fast, but not quite a directly thrusting motion- he was rolling his hips in circles against you, dragging his cock against your G-spot on the longer strokes, alternating between leaning away from you for a better angle, and curling his upper body against you to slide a palm up your stomach, play with a nipple piercing, or press his lips under your ear and down your neck.

The sharp noise of skin against skin, combined with the almost comical wet noises and the more sensual breaths or guttural groans made for a unique bedroom symphony, rising and falling in waves as you ground back against Damien, as he alternated force and speed, as you paused to switch sides, catch breath, even sit up against the headboard and downright bounce in his lap, in a position not unlike your first forays into mutual sexual exploration. You turned to face him, to mirror your placement at the time of his first orgasm, but this time circling your hips to push his dick against as much of you as possible, rub your clit on his pelvic bone, circling back once again to that hallowed place with him thrusting as he could but also burying his face in your breasts, mouthing at a nipple, and finally kissing you once again before breaking apart, to breathe, and to praise you in between prayers.

“I’m gonna cum, God, you’re stunning, just, Jesus, I love you, i’m right there, i’m gonna cum, i’m gonna cum- “  
“Damien!”

He thrust again, and again, with force and with an intense angle that pressed your clit just right and sent you flying, your spasm and contractions gripping him as he came, buried inside you, face crushed against your neck, arms wrapped around your back, holding you tight this time as he came down, leaning in to you as you both crumbled, and all but fell down against the bed as one.

You both just lay there, breathing for a minute, regaining thoughts and words. You opened your eyes to see Damien blinking lazily back, slowly smiling like the world was his, and cradling your cheek against his hand before kissing you once more.

“Do you wanna stay here, nap for a while?”

“I wouldn’t leave even if I wanted to, my legs are jelly and my brain is mush….” your words similarly mushing together as you trailed off in a mumble.

“Well, you should pee- i’m serious,” he said, when you raised half an eyebrow at him. “To prevent a UTI, it’s one of those actually helpful tips that conservative upbringings don’t include. But you are welcome back here, i’ll make everything comfy.”

Humming an agreement, and with legs feeling like sludge, you trudged through the sensations to the bathroom, your insides still residually spasming, to pee (almost falling asleep on the toilet in the process) and coming back to Damien’s room to the lights out and curtains drawn, and to Damien bringing in your pillow and blanket for your room. You paused to take in the moment while his back was turned, cleaning up the bed (was that wet spot from the both of you?) and admire him- not just his body, but all that he’d done for you in the past months, how amazing of a roommate he was, how wonderful of a friend he’d become…..and how steadfast and caring of a boyfriend he would be.

“So…..I know we kinda touched on the subject earlier today, but…..are we…..going out?” you asked in a quiet voice, as you got under the covers.

“Absolutely. At least, i’d like to, if you’d like to, too?” Damien stated, climbing in with you.

“Absolutely for me too. I can’t believe this is how is happened, but man am I glad we got here in the end- and you were so holding out on me in those earlier lessons, forget seeing stars, you make a girl cross galaxies!”

“Well thank you- and you make a guy cross them back again to be right here with you.” He wrapped his arms around you, his room warm enough to stay naked but chilly enough with the air conditioning to appreciate the blankets, and his body heat. “Um, I wanna say- about what I said, er, in the moment- “

Your eyes were already closing, feeling so perfectly worn out and at peace, and half in response to him, half as a statement all of its own, you murmured, “I love you”.

Damien smiled into your neck, pressing a gentle kiss and giving you a squeeze around the waist.

“I love you too.”


	10. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, everyone who stopped by for a read! I'm hoping to do some oneshots of Damien/Reader or Shaymien in the future, please let me know what you'd like to see / how you feel about this story / anything at all! Thank you! :D

Absolutely none of your friends were shocked that you and Damien were now an item; a few were surprised it took this long, a few were surprised you’d managed to get there and avoid a lifetime of dancing around each other- but no one (that you told, anyways, and you didn’t tell everyone) expected the story of just how you came to be a couple.

You kept your own rooms in the apartment, but frequently spent the night both in one room or the other- contrary to the tv shows, getting romantically involved with a roommate wasn’t so bad when you were both on the same page about it, and being able to keep your own spaces gave you each a place to go for personal time, and to keep personalized, with the (very!) short commute of “walking across the hall” meaning your relationship never suffered at all for distance. Smosh continued doing well, and you soon became an executive with Defy- which meant you weren’t officially allowed to do much or interact with the Smosh cast for conflict of interest reasons, but you were happy to keep your face and name out of the public eye- you could keep your privacy, you didn’t have to worry about either of your jobs, and Damien still talked plenty about you- but only the two of you and your friends knew exactly to whom he was referring.

Damien continued to teach you about sex and sexuality, and you began doing research of your own (online, mostly), to bring new ideas into the bedroom- and in no time you both became the go-to of your respective friend-groups for sexual advice and know-how. Of course, your favorite would always be fooling around in a back-to-front manner, mimicking your first few times together.

If you had been able to tell yourself that the man sitting against his door across the hall from you on that first fateful day would mean so much to you now, you know you wouldn’t have believed it (and you still generally didn’t recommend moving in with a total stranger, just from a safety point of view.) But you had never been happier, and your life had never been better- you were just so glad you’d taken Damien up on his offer.


End file.
